Moving Towards the Light

It was already hot when I went for my morning walk up the canyon, wishing I had a buddy, either canine or human. It’s become a routine, looking forward to the shady stretch beneath the oaks, hearing the canyon wren in the woods along the creek, a frenzied fluster of quail trying to appear formidable, a black cow big as a ship thrashing through the brush. I inevitably encounter Tucker on her daily run, her yellow ponytail under a cap,  her skin flushed and pink, and we exchange a few pleasantries as we pass. I listened briefly to an NPR podcast of the news today, very bad vibe, switched to music, and found myself jauntily swaying along to “Girl From Ipanema”…the soundtrack changes everything.

I’m getting too many congratulations lately on my recovery. It’s premature, and the gods hate hubris. I need to clarify am doing better, but I have a long way to go. It feels as if I have climbed out of a deep, scary hole, but I’m still standing close to the rim, and it’s slippery, and my foothold is not that secure yet. However,  I am a woman who, according to Fit-Bit, had two hours of actual REM sleep last night embedded in 9(!) hours of other levels of sleep. And the vestibular therapist tested me yesterday and said my balance impairment is about 25%, compared to somewhere between 30 and 40 six weeks ago. To be honest, I think I’ve always been unbalanced. I just won’t become a tightrope walker. I’m okay with that.

And I got the most beautiful message from my friend Teresa: Life can be so incredibly beautiful and life can be so, so hard! I think we all take turns walking through the fire. But, blessings that come from that fire and we are pushed to become so much more.
You and I have learned so much from our painful wounds. We must be thankful for them, honor them, embrace them and learn from them. I think when we learn to love the most unloveable parts of ourselves we learn to live life more compassionately, more humanly. The darkness is our biggest teacher and the light is for us to find. Keep feeling the good, keep moving toward the light and keep the positive energy flowing. I’m sending you some of mine. 

I can feel that light. I’m practically shining!

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